"The Servant's Journey"

Am I really a "servant"... I would love to consider myself a servant, but do I do anything a servant would do? No.

I've been in a weird spot lately. It is so easy to get in the "church trap" (as i would like to call it) of everything being fantastic. "how are you today"
"Oh i am doing great, you?" etc.. etc..

So this got me thinking.. How come you lie to the people who are suppose to lift you up.. is it shame? is it the notion that christians are "perfect"?? and therefore they don't have any weaknesses? Or is it that if we tell what we are struggling with we might be a bad example to non-believers? But in reality isn't that a false example to non-believers; us betraying we are perfect?? WHAT IS IT!? Is this hindering the church? Is this stopping us from becoming the servants God has called us to be?

I have recently been disobeying God. A struggle as some call it. So I decided I am done with telling people a lie about how I am doing. Well first let me explain this to you. My family has a generational curse of lying (more so than that just ordinary families have).. and so this is where this is all stemming from ( i am sorry if I am jumping around too much and you can't catch on..) Why lie? So I tried just telling the truth about how I was doing no hidden secrets about me.. Even though people don't want to hear "the truth" and they are some what shocked by not getting the everyday response "i'm perfect" it has helped me to recover faster from my struggles.. instead of me burrying it in shame and it growing faster and faster and manifesting itself in me I let it surface (maybe not always verbally) and it helps me to not feel so much shame when I get down on my knees and pray.

I feel that God doesn't really like our struggles, but at the same time I thinki he is more upset by us lying about them and not just dealing with them.

I guess this is totally two different topics... Revealing and the servant paragraph I was talking about at the top of this blog.. sorry. so much is on my mind.

I'm ready for a change. I am ready for me and the rest of the world to get off their butts and become servants.. put our selfish struggles behind; get them out to the public, learn about them, and get past it.. put it behind and start serving.

If it doesn't make sense e=mail me at Forgiven_o@yahoo.com and maybe I can explain it better.